Saturday, March 27, 2010


Yeah, I know a blog post has been long pending. Haven’t really found the time. It’s Friday night here, so thought maybe I’ll write something. Redmond’s been good so far. Let me recap my journey so far.

I must be a very fortunate man because the day I stepped on the USA soil, I had the good fortune of meeting three of my best friends from Thane. I had a stopover at NY. Parikshit and Rohan came to meet me at the airport, and I could spend a good 2-3 hours with them. I drank Black Label at the airport in their company. (that’s a trick sentence, so you cannot make out whether they drank too.) I met them after a long time, and it was an awesome evening. And then when I landed in Seattle, Pratik picked me up. That brought it to a full circle. The thing that immediately struck me was how clean and wide the roads were and how pretty the girls were. I was wearing the jacket D.P. had gifted me and looked like a pigeon.

Mom had lovingly given me plastic डिब्बाs full of लड्डूs and चिवड़ा and what not. After reaching the hotel, I had to shed the few extra kilos that I had accumulated over the journey. And as you’d know there are no “telephone showers” in the US. So before unloading myself, I unloaded one of those डिब्बाs, and turned it into a डब्बा. (In North India, they have a distinction between डिब्बा and डब्बा.) The fateful डिब्बा turned डब्बा must be cursing me for having sacrificed it for this purpose. देगा कौन, देगा कौन, तू देगा क़ुर्बानी! (That was from David Dhawan’s Aankhein.)

I woke the next day and walked to office empty handed. ख़ाली हाथ आया था ख़ाली हाथ जाएगा. And this, only to learn later that a laptop was waiting for me in the room next to us. It’s a bit tough to know things if you are not told.

Went to Pratik's place over the weekend. His पियक्कड़ friend was only too happy to have me there because his other two room partners were Gujjus and teetotalers. We went on a tequila shot spree, and when I got up to leave, I realized that this friend was snoring away in another room. How and when he reached that room is something neither of us has been able to figure out till date. I’m going to have us reconstruct the scene to find out. (Not that I need an excuse to drink more tequila.)

Working at Microsoft was and is a really tough job. And the shitty part is the shitty part. I cannot carry my डिब्बा turned डब्बा to office. As if that was not painful enough, shitting in the toilets they have here is only a little short of shitting on the railway line. They are open from the top and open from the bottom, and the door fits so loosely that it’s like trying to close a pressure cooker’s mouth with a tea coaster. Consequently, you can see the shoes and a significant part of the calfs of the guy s(h)itting next to you. If your neighbor is even of average height and flexible enough, he can kick you. If you don’t like him, you can spit on his shoes. What’s more, as you can imagine, the guys who shit in the middle of the day must have something wrong happening with their bowels. So it’s not just video, it’s background music as well. The toilets back in India are a serene place for one to connect with his inner self (a.k.a अपने अन्दर से निकलती हुई आवाज़ को सुनना). However, toilets in USA compel you to listen to the अन्दर से निकलती हुई आवाज़ of others as well. And what great sounds! Whistles, and deflating balloons, and waterfalls, and what not. Not to be outdone, thanks to my IBS, I have my own set of symphonies that I never miss a chance to play.

Living on your own is tough, particularly when you don’t know how to cook (in English, that is; I’m very good at it in Hindi) and how to wash your clothes. So one of the preparations before I came here was to buy loads of underwear. Now I have so many that I can open an undergarment shop in Redmond. You’ll find underwear sticking out from every drawer in the room you open. I’ve been considerate enough to have spared the refrigerator until now.

I was amazed to see how organized this place is. Wide open spaces, fantastic roads, no traffic at all. The people seem so happy. If you cross a stranger on your way, you invariably get a smile. How about that? It’s unlike Mumbai, where you hear चल बे! हट बे! अभी क्या गोद में आके बैठेगा क्या? all the time.

Another fantastic place is restaurants. What waitresses these guys have! I’m always the last person to order for food because I’m always ogling the waitresses. NC, as we call it. So much unlike the waiters we have in Mumbai who either "impend" on you all the time for no reason or finish their shift and go home without letting anyone know.

For the record, ever since I’ve come here, I haven’t seen a single pest (save the time when I look into the mirror.) No mosquitoes. No cockroaches. No flies. Not even stray dogs, cats, cattle. You have pretty squirrels hopping about all over. (And this time, for a change, I mean real squirrels.)

Visit the malls here, and you’ll see such pretty girls that you begin to wonder where they come from and where they are made. No wonder the Hyderabadi guys don’t want to return to India. It’s not surprising if the theory I read somewhere about the homo erectus originating in south India is true. Err, ahem, that’s just the name of one of the versions of our earlier species.

All in all, it’s a wonderful place to be in, and yawwwwn, I’m feeling sleepy now. Sorry for the abrupt halt. Will be back to write more, quicker so, if I can have some comments on the post :)

P.S. I'm proud of Anand, Rishabh, Sandesh, and Sahul for having won the Innovation award at GE. My guys did it!!! I was there last time when we won the painting competition and feel the same joy knowing my team won again. You guys are making GE's logo proud. "Imagination at work." Meaning, when at work, sit and imagine.


Kuldeep said...

Mohita, I would never read long articles but I can not resist myself reading blogs you write. I can visualise your workspace, hotels out there & Girls.. aaahh..
I am mentioning it again, I am equally fond of your english.

Parikshit said...

They are open from the top and open from the bottom, and the door fits so loosely that it’s like trying to close a pressure cooker’s mouth with a tea coaster. (hahahahahahahaha)

What’s more, as you can imagine, the guys who shit in the middle of the day must have something wrong happening with their bowels. (how did you know this my man? what were you doing there in the middle of the day? aye pakad liya! :P)

Good one again! not to mention I am a fan of your blogs and was waiting for this one since really long time.

Mohit said...

Thanks Kuldippa! Tu yahan hona chahiye tha...idhar bhi Pardesi game khelte apun :) (Ah well, for the uninitiated, "Pardesi game" refers to the playing style of Pardesi, a TT champion--and nothing else!)

Mohit said...

Pari, haha, I know you what you are betting on because I know you are a master better. But you should know better--34% of MS is desi, and you know the desi chicks in IT, right? Totally uninspiring :)

rishabh said...

Mohit dude, u are really a great writer. It felt as if I was actually talking to you about what you have written. I am glad that you are finally getting to watch, atleast, pretty girls there. Tune do waqt is registaan me bitaaye hai, uska tujhe muaavza mil raha hai :).
Bhagwaan, kare tu jab bhi muh khole tere muh me isi tarah champagne girti rahe. All the best!!

Mohit said...

wah wah, wah wah, Rishabh. Thanks :) Hope you are doing great, and hope to meet you soon..

Mayur said...

Abey tuney toh lat laga di hain yaar :). Kya karun, control hi nahi hota!

Mohit said...

Mayurwa, I can't thank you enough! Thanks for all the comments, man! You made my day :)))

Pratik said...

Good analogies. Now write something how u feel when u r back at the same place :)

Mohit said...

Thanks for the suggestion, Pratik :) Have made a note. That post will be dedicated to you :)

Arshad said...

Your way of narration and choice of words are simply mesmerizing...Is "Mohit the blogger' taking over "Mohit the poet..." ;)..

Mohit said...

Shukriya, Arshad bhai! BTW, Mohit toh Mohit hi hai, kya blogger, kya poet. But thanks for the encouragement you've given me on both the poetry and the blog front :)

Anonymous said...

Nice zhand!

"The toilets back in India are a serene place for one to connect with his inner self (a.k.a अपने अन्दर से निकलती हुई आवाज़ को सुनना)."

reminded me of Ekaantvaas.. ekaant bhi or vaas bhi

Mohit said...

Haha, anonymous, I like ekaantavaas too! LOL :) Thanks for the comment :)