Friday, May 28, 2010

Once a content developer, never again a content developer

You hear somewhere that there’s a walk-in interview going on. The whole of your college group, which amounts at least to 15, is on its way to the venue. You reach the venue only to realize that there are indeed interviews going on, but they are not walk-in interviews. Wow. (The “wow” is both for the previous sentence and the next one). The receptionist is gorgeous. So you don’t want to leave the venue all too soon. You stay put. After a while, the HR coordinator arrives and realizes that there are more people here than were invited. Just to be able to get to ogle the receptionist longer, you ask the HR coordinator to request the recruiters to consider on-the-spot entries too. The recruiters agree! So you get to spend more time at the reception, yayy! But there’s also an interview to appear for. After a while, your name is announced. You follow the HR coordinator, who leads you to a room.

The interview begins with the shortlisting of your role.

Situation: You are a fresher. You have graduated at the time of an economic recession. You don’t have a great percentage on your degree certificate. The programming you learnt in college is outdated by 10 years. You are not a good-looking chick.

After this, all you can be is a content developer.

You get the role. But no one tells you how to play it.

Interviewer: You’ll be a content developer.


You: Yes my lord. I mean yes sir.


You: (thinking) What is a content developer?


Interviewer: You’ll chunk content.


You: Yes uncle. Err, yes sir.


You: (thinking) What on earth is that?


Interviewer: You’ll create a storyboard.


You: Done deal.


You: (thinking) Storyboard? Do I get to sketch? Yay! Super-experienced at sketching biological diagrams on classroom walls with Devanagari calligraphy!


Interviewer: You’ll read an instructional design.


You: You bet.


You: (thinking) Read a design? Am I a civil engineer?


Interviewer: You’ll get rid of all the bugs.


You: In a trice, sir.


You: (thinking) These buggers can’t even afford pest control?


Interviewer: You’ll submit all your deliverables on time.


You: Just you wait.


You: (thinking) What’s a deliverable? And what do I do if the deliverable is not deliverable?


Interviewer: You’re hired. Start work from tomorrow morning. The deadline of your first project is two weeks from today. And don't call me sir.


You: Yes sir.

So you get the job. Now you are a content developer. But the trouble is you have no clue who or what a content developer is. It’s like playing Anthony. Don’t know what I mean? Watch the video below.

video

Discussions with your manager go around in circles


Meeting with manager after two weeks:


Manager: If you were recruited two weeks back, why did you not submit the deliverable on time?


You: Because the instructional designer didn’t give me changes on time.


Manager: Why didn’t the instructional designer give you changes on time?


You: Because he spent all his time interviewing me and making sure I was recruited two weeks back.


Manager: If you were recruited two weeks back, why did you not submit the deliverable on time?


You: Because the instructional designer didn’t give me changes on time.


Manager: Why didn’t the instructional designer give you changes on time?


You: Because he spent all his time interviewing me and making sure I was recruited two weeks back.


It’s like telling someone who Marco is. Here, take a look.


video


Miscommunication with your manager. Right answer, but wrong question.


Manager: How could the client find 759 bugs in your deliverable?!


You: Because there must’ve been that many bugs in that deliverable.


Manager: When I’d asked you how many bugs you had found in that deliverable, you’d said “none.”


You: That’s correct.


Manager: Why did you lie?


You: I didn't say there were no bugs. I said I'd not found any. If you don't find a nice girl to marry, it does not mean there are no nice girls to marry.

Manager: *$&#^#$^%#@^

Moral of the story: Wrong questions always lead to right answers. And then reality bites. And at times, dogs do, too. Want to know what I mean? The video is right below.


video

The Invention of Lying

Excessive table tennis at the office TT table makes a man more creative. Because when you are immersed in playing TT, you never realize when it’s time for the scrum meeting. So when the scrum meeting is over, and when everyone has left, you are called in the room by your manager to inquire why you delivered an e-learning course that had the content of one course, graphics of another, and the voice-over track of yet another one. Tough time. (tough time=story time.) Tell them about Rita Braganza.

Don’t know Rita? Aw come on.


video


Appraisal meeting


In an appraisal meeting, when your manager begins by telling you about how important you are for the company and how a great future awaits you, it means the appraisal meeting hasn’t started yet. Wait till the meeting starts.


This is roughly how things will unfold:

video

I don’t need to tell you what the last stage is.

video

12 comments:

Parikshit said...

once an awesome blogger, always an awesome blogger. period!

rohan said...

Great creativity my friend....Great work

Mohit said...

Thanks for all the comments, Pari! I should buy you a khamba when I'm back in India!

Mohit said...

Thanks, Rohan :) Whatever little I do is because of encouragement from you guys :)

Laxmi Salgaonkar said...

hahaha...love it :)

Mohit said...

Thanks, Laxmi Tai :)

You love my blog.

My blog loves me.

I love you.

You love my blog.

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.
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:)

Pratik said...

Great transition from Technical to Story writer :)

Mohit said...

Thanks, Pratik :) Waise bhi, as a technical writer, I do write stories. Because I'm never aware of the exact stuff to write about ;)

Anand said...

Dude ur posts are getting better each day. This 1 was too good. Laughed so loud my mom thought i was having a fit :). Keep them coming man...

Mohit said...

Welcome back, Anand! And thanks for the wonderful comment! The comment brought a broad smile to my face, and it stayed for at least five straight minutes :) My friends suspected my face was having a paralytic attack :)

Devil's Advocate said...

hahaha.. I must say you have very good hold on movie clips and you know all the right places to put those clips.. I never got stuck to any blog earlier that I would read posts one by one.. Hilarious post..

Mohit said...

Thanks, Ankur! That comment means a helluva lot to me!!!