Wednesday, June 23, 2010

How I saved a girl's life

Do you have *any* idea at all how it feels to have saved someone’s life? I do. Because I’ve done it. I vividly remember realizing that I’d just done humanity a great service. And only the fortunate get the opportunity to save a human life.

This happened after I joined the new company I mentioned in Total recall?. I became friends with a girl who was working on the same project as I. We would board different company bus shuttles in the evening to return to our homes because we stayed at two different places, far away from each other. But it so happened that I took the same bus shuttle as she that day. (Observe how God puts saviors in correct places when cometh the hour.)

Both of us wanted to sit at window seats, so I sat at the window seat on the right, and she sat at the one on the left, but both seats were in the same row, so we could turn around and talk. You’ll realize in a bit why it was important that we were not sitting on the same seat, and why I might not have been able to save her if we were sitting on the same seat. (Notice again how God carefully chose our seats.)

So we got to talking. She had just begun learning classical music (vocals), and I had been attempted to be taught classical Hindustani vocals, too. (I used the passive voice here because my voice has always been passive, and unfortunately I never really learnt anything.) Anyway, so I asked her who her favorite singer was. She said Hariharan. Now, I neither love Hariharan nor hate him. She asked me who mine was. Those of you who know me would know that I said Kishore Kumar saab.

She replied, “Kishore Kumar? छीsssssss! कितनी गंदी है उसकी आवाज़!”

If ever there was a time when the human brain became pregnant with simultaneous emotions (at least septuplets or octuplets), this was it. Imagine how the mind parses that sentence. In half a second, that too. And how many emotions zero in on my tiny skull.


“छीsssssss”: Exclamation. You say this when a crow poops in your mouth.
“कितनी”: Adjective. Means “loads” or “a lot”. You say this when that crow had diarrhoea.
“गंदी”: Adjective: Means something like “filthy.” Imagine the crow being severely constipated for 40 days before suddenly developing diarrhoea.
“उसकी आवाज़”: Possessive pronoun + noun. “उसकी”? WTF do you mean by “उसकी”? Was Kishore saab your childhood friend? What kind of irreverence is that?

Imagine these words hitting me one by one, in quick succession, in less than half a second. Here’s what my reaction was, and I’m putting it mildly.

Blood suddenly shot up in my veins, uncontrolled and uncontainable. As if a vengeful river had drawn back and suddenly hurled itself, all at once, against the walls of a dam, with an impossible velocity and strength. Within moments, my throbbing heart had taken up all the space in my body, and my whole body was violently shuddering with each deafening pulse. My heartbeats were like a massively heavy hammer being swung at a huge gong with the sole resolve of shattering it to pieces. Before I even knew, in one swift motion, my hands rose, fingers thrown wide open, and like a crazed maniac, I lunged forward to strangle her.

And I almost did that. Almost. I almost had my hands by her throat.

And yet, somehow, because I'd been sitting so far away from her, during the time I took to go from my seat to hers, something similar to the following video happened.




(Yes, the post ends here. If it didn’t quite make sense, it probably will if you start reading it again from the first paragraph.)

32 comments:

Ajith said...

Hahaha ... nice one dude.
Video kahan se dhoond ke nikala re?

Mohit said...

Thanks, Ajith :)) I posted the video on youtube using my account and then linked it here. Blogger was acting weird when I tried uploading my video there the way I usually do it.

MuZiC iN vEiN ! ! ! ! said...

hahahhaahahha... This was funny as hell.... Dude... u must take writing more seriously.... I can bet my life, u'd be the next (inter)national bestseller in comic writing for the youth!!

keep'em coming!!

Mohit said...

Akki!!! Thanks for the comment! Whenever I think of you, I remember the wonder-filled days we spent together in Mahim as children :)

Mayur said...

Ta-da-da-dhaa, ta-da-da-dhaa... With your narrative ishtyle (and the thoughtful visuals :D), no wonder you have so many of us hooked on here. 3Dgiri and Script writing surely does come naturally :)

Mohit said...

Hey, Mayur :)) Thanks for the comment :) Yeah I'm a bit of a natural nautankibaaz :)

Barbara said...

Perfect video clip for the story, nice post.

Mohit said...

Thanks, Barbara!! I appreciate!

Hiren Barbhaya said...

Good One Mohit... Keep posting...

Mohit said...

Thanks, Hiren :) I'm glad you are following the blog :)

shOX said...

Cool vids man.. nice and funny so far! Where does it end though?

Mohit said...

Respected Shoukat sir, my humble stuff ends where your profoundly profound stuff (rife with million-dollar questions) begins ;)

shOX said...

!! :P

quasar said...

You have used Anti-Climax to good effect. Well done. Nice post!

Mohit said...

Thanks, Abhi :) Glad you liked the post :)

DaanishTa said...

I have started liking your two fingered wonders. No kind of pun is intended but I assume that you understood what I am talking about.

I don't want to elaborate here in the comments section. I can only say: Daanish ko ishara kaafi hain.

I also want to tell you that I have never read Chetan Bhagat. But if you happen to write a book (does not matter what non sense you write) I am pretty sure I'll buy it and read it too.

Don't underestimate this!!!. The three exclamation marks are there for a reason. It would be a major event in human history if I ever read a non technical book from cover to cover.

Mohit said...

Thanks, Daanish :) Let's create history, then! :)

Parikshit said...

i literally laughed my ass out on “Kishore Kumar? छीsssssss! कितनी गंदी है उसकी आवाज़!”

once again too good. do i really need to mention it?

Mohit said...

Thanks, Pari :) Ya man, imagine her jurrat! I don't think you'd disagree I saved her life!

triShie said...

ok, so i was really really intriqued from the start, then got confused by the middle but THANK YOU for explaining in english what those hindi words were... then, i was laughing. a good ending, i must say, despite the things she said.

...seriously, you express/write well!

Mohit said...

Thanks, Trishie!!! You are a special entry in my Comments field, for you are the first non-Indian and a complete stranger (not any more, though) to post a comment here. Made me realize that I should translate all Hindi/Marathi stuff to English. I'll keep that in mind for future posts and try to revisit existing entries to post translations wherever possible. Once again, THANKS A LOT!!!

Neha said...

She saved ur life too... else u would have been in Jail.. Chakki Peesing and Peesing and Peesing..:-)

Mohit said...

Thanks, Neha :) BTW, I depend on you to pay for the bail :)

godrick said...

Dude... you made a mistake... you should have killed her... you would have never be blamed.. not atleast by INDIAN POLICE.. :D

Mohit said...

Hi, Godrick, thanks for the comment :) You're right about Indian Police. They'd definitely have made an arrest, though. But because they come in so late, it's likey they'd arrest my reincarnation. There goes a theory about why the innocent are sometime held by Indian police. It's all karma, really. One pays for mistakes made in previous births ;)

Anonymous said...

Mohit, if i ever happen to meet you, i wont leave you alive....

But, yes, your blogs are really interesting. Loved reading them.

Mohit said...

Hahaha, anonymous, if you are who I think you are, welcome, and please treat this Comments field as your personal space; after all, you were the reason behind my most-read-and-commented-upon-till-date blog post! BTW, I thought you weren't talking to me! Changed your mind? :P Also, I was kinda getting very happy when I read "Mohit, if i ever happen to meet you, i wont leave you.." I thought I've started having crazy fans now. Then I read the word "alive" and knew who would've written this. But don't worry, if you felt like killing me, then wait for my next blog post, "un-eyes-take-off-able." The girl who features in that post will not only want to kill me, but also my two future incarnations. Cheers! And good to hear from you :)

Devil's Advocate said...

back from offie and have ample time to go through your posts.. its good so far.. thought process aided with the apt video was nice but the explanation was an overdo.. good blog page, hope to see more post from you.. :-)

Mohit said...

Thanks a lot, Ankur :) And I appreciate the constructive critism, too :)

quasar said...

KishoreDa's birthday. We need a commemorative post. Write one asap.

Mohit said...

hmm...I know...I always look forward to this day of the year :) Been thinking of writing a post too. Lemme see if I can manage...

Mohit said...

Abhishek, just wrote a simple and honest tribute post for Kishore saab. Do read.